ADD Parenting: A School year cycle in brief
What follows is a description of an academic year from my parental point of view.
September – kid starts off strong, and does well, because they’re happy making new friends, have shiny new supplies with no mistakes in them yet and motivated to do well.
October, SOME of the things done in September are going well, and much encouragement is gleaned from that. One or two details start slipping, and in general, no one wants to really "look" at their failures, so they get swept under the rug - rather than addressed. Discouragement begins to insidiously seep in – but it’s hidden under the rug, so it’s not discussed.
November, by now even the “fun” courses start to sag. Grades are still “passing” - so not panicked about them, but the dip increases feelings of anxiety/frustration/discouragement. The difficult courses are now frantic flags waving to call all attention to themselves, and the problems can no longer be ignored. They've slowly grown into course failures and must be now managed! Only, it’s too late. The parental units are going to see these failures no matter what is done at this point. It’s easy to understand why attitudes tends toward depression, anxiety, and a lot of negative self talk.
Then report cards come out.
Reactions from parental units are key – but not the only determining factor in what happens next. Either there’s a mad scramble to hand in things at the last minute, or a descent into immobilizing depression. As a parent, I prefer the former, since that stage passes quickest – if the latter occurs, it tends to linger.
December, there's every intention of picking up the grades, turning things in, and meeting expectations again. Whose expectations this refers to is, as yet, undefined. Often, the marks improve - but it's a band-aid solution. Christmas break comes, and with it the flurry of cookies!, expectations, chocolate!, gifts, food!, events, outfits to choose. . . one of the few things that’s relaxing is the notion that there’s "no-schoolwork" to bring relief. I'm always sorry to see them head back to school after Christmas break, knowing that it wasn’t much of a break, just a lot of different pressures.
January. It's cold and depressing here in Winnipeg. The “yay school start!” of September seems so far away. This begins the long winter slog. Oh! And there are exams, so add that tensions are high right at the start.
February, a new semester, with new courses brings relief. And Valentine's Day brings chocolate to break the winter monotony. "It's said a change is as good as a rest" I would disagree with the as good as part - but it is a welcome change, and hope flickers again.
March is hopefully, the end of the long winter slog – at least it is most of the time. There's spring break to look forward to, and Easter coming up. It's possible that the grades are doing better in the courses of interest to them. As in the fall, it's the make it or break it time in the weaker subjects.
April, is a continuation of the trends set before, the good subjects are "managing" and the poor subjects, and trailing ever further behind. With the hopes of better weather, this is usually the part of the year where focus shifts away from school entirely to focus on peer supports/relationships. This is the beginning of the "checking out" period.
May arrives with better weather, and already their brain is elsewhere. I can hardly blame them. At this point we are both just putting one foot in front of the other, doing what we can to "make it through" this school year.
June is better in that celebrating a birthday gives a well-needed lift, and the end is in sight! By now, “It's almost over” is the mental chant that's almost palpable in our house. We just want it to be over. We’re confident the teachers are also chanting it in their hearts with us...
The part teachers don't get to see, that I wish everyone could, is summer.
Kid shines brighter than the sun on the sunniest day in summer.
July is a crazy busy time in our home. Yet, the craziness is normal, or at least to our family. This is the part of the year they shine unencumbered by outside expectations, free to be themselves. Outside the demands of the school cycle, my family thrives, and continually surprises me. They still have expectations and responsibilities, but generally they are built around their talents, and avoid their weaker areas. The strange crucible of festival time is where they shine the brightest, and I am humbled to be their parent. and I am continually blown away by the amazing family I have.
August comes, and personally I am wiped out - but the family is now getting excited about school. What?! I'm thinking - we just got through that. . . now you WANT to go back? This makes no sense to me. But I encourage as much as possible, and together we plan how to best attack this year. We get school supplies that build excitement, and we live - really live - doing all the adventurous things they want to do this month. Because I know that fun type fuel helps build momentum, and that is going to be crucial to getting started for another year.
[We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again.]
September – kid starts off strong, and does well, because they’re happy making new friends, have shiny new supplies with no mistakes in them yet and motivated to do well.
October, SOME of the things done in September are going well, and much encouragement is gleaned from that. One or two details start slipping, and in general, no one wants to really "look" at their failures, so they get swept under the rug - rather than addressed. Discouragement begins to insidiously seep in – but it’s hidden under the rug, so it’s not discussed.
November, by now even the “fun” courses start to sag. Grades are still “passing” - so not panicked about them, but the dip increases feelings of anxiety/frustration/discouragement. The difficult courses are now frantic flags waving to call all attention to themselves, and the problems can no longer be ignored. They've slowly grown into course failures and must be now managed! Only, it’s too late. The parental units are going to see these failures no matter what is done at this point. It’s easy to understand why attitudes tends toward depression, anxiety, and a lot of negative self talk.
Then report cards come out.
Reactions from parental units are key – but not the only determining factor in what happens next. Either there’s a mad scramble to hand in things at the last minute, or a descent into immobilizing depression. As a parent, I prefer the former, since that stage passes quickest – if the latter occurs, it tends to linger.
December, there's every intention of picking up the grades, turning things in, and meeting expectations again. Whose expectations this refers to is, as yet, undefined. Often, the marks improve - but it's a band-aid solution. Christmas break comes, and with it the flurry of cookies!, expectations, chocolate!, gifts, food!, events, outfits to choose. . . one of the few things that’s relaxing is the notion that there’s "no-schoolwork" to bring relief. I'm always sorry to see them head back to school after Christmas break, knowing that it wasn’t much of a break, just a lot of different pressures.
January. It's cold and depressing here in Winnipeg. The “yay school start!” of September seems so far away. This begins the long winter slog. Oh! And there are exams, so add that tensions are high right at the start.
February, a new semester, with new courses brings relief. And Valentine's Day brings chocolate to break the winter monotony. "It's said a change is as good as a rest" I would disagree with the as good as part - but it is a welcome change, and hope flickers again.
March is hopefully, the end of the long winter slog – at least it is most of the time. There's spring break to look forward to, and Easter coming up. It's possible that the grades are doing better in the courses of interest to them. As in the fall, it's the make it or break it time in the weaker subjects.
April, is a continuation of the trends set before, the good subjects are "managing" and the poor subjects, and trailing ever further behind. With the hopes of better weather, this is usually the part of the year where focus shifts away from school entirely to focus on peer supports/relationships. This is the beginning of the "checking out" period.
May arrives with better weather, and already their brain is elsewhere. I can hardly blame them. At this point we are both just putting one foot in front of the other, doing what we can to "make it through" this school year.
June is better in that celebrating a birthday gives a well-needed lift, and the end is in sight! By now, “It's almost over” is the mental chant that's almost palpable in our house. We just want it to be over. We’re confident the teachers are also chanting it in their hearts with us...
The part teachers don't get to see, that I wish everyone could, is summer.
Kid shines brighter than the sun on the sunniest day in summer.
July is a crazy busy time in our home. Yet, the craziness is normal, or at least to our family. This is the part of the year they shine unencumbered by outside expectations, free to be themselves. Outside the demands of the school cycle, my family thrives, and continually surprises me. They still have expectations and responsibilities, but generally they are built around their talents, and avoid their weaker areas. The strange crucible of festival time is where they shine the brightest, and I am humbled to be their parent. and I am continually blown away by the amazing family I have.
August comes, and personally I am wiped out - but the family is now getting excited about school. What?! I'm thinking - we just got through that. . . now you WANT to go back? This makes no sense to me. But I encourage as much as possible, and together we plan how to best attack this year. We get school supplies that build excitement, and we live - really live - doing all the adventurous things they want to do this month. Because I know that fun type fuel helps build momentum, and that is going to be crucial to getting started for another year.
[We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again.]
Risk - if we avoid risk, and take the easy way. It leads nowhere. If we take the roads laid out by what's considered normal. . . we'll end up like everybody else. So, why would one wish to do so? Don't we need more people to risk doing what's right, when no one else is doing it? Wouldn't it change our society if we had more inventors and original thinkers and less "trending" and "reposting" of what tickles the fancy, but edifies no one?
People would always ask me in school "What do you want to be when you grow up?". I never had an answer, and I felt there was something wrong with that. I am getting a glimmer that it was a backwards question to ask a young person.
I think a better discussion, not question, would have been, "What do you see society doing wrong, and how are you going to help this problem?" Less individualism of "what do I want to do" and more "how can I, being me, make life better in my circle of influence?"
I had to grow up. Time passed without my permission. I never did find an answer to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" until now.
People would always ask me in school "What do you want to be when you grow up?". I never had an answer, and I felt there was something wrong with that. I am getting a glimmer that it was a backwards question to ask a young person.
I think a better discussion, not question, would have been, "What do you see society doing wrong, and how are you going to help this problem?" Less individualism of "what do I want to do" and more "how can I, being me, make life better in my circle of influence?"
I had to grow up. Time passed without my permission. I never did find an answer to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" until now.