My Dad has had a series of mini-strokes this past week. I had the full gamut of emotions course through me - I thought.
Today, I was sitting in a grocery store parking lot. Sweat was dripping down my sides, as I had the argument with myself whether I could manage to go get these few things, or if I should head home straight away. The latter won out, and now I STILL have to go do groceries, and I'm fed up with the feelings of dread that go with it.
I usually don't like going grocery shopping but this is a new level of frustrating.
So I'm wondering, is this a grief reaction, or just me hating the groceries like normal, a physical thing, a mental thing. . . very tempted to use those bad words I know kind of a time.
Whatever it is or isn't, I find myself teary in public places, and behaving irrationally in my opinion. My first thoughts were to share it with a friend, but my heart said no. Then I thought to contact my church, but wouldn't they expect my friends (also from the same church) to be taking care of us? Generally that's the way things work - we care for each other. My next thought was not to bother others, just to contact family to talk with. . . my husband is in meetings all day...why did it take ALL THAT to realize the one I need to talk to is God!?!
*sigh* He's enormously patient with me.
Now I have to go to work, so time to pull the grown up pants on and get to it!
Instead of a million dollars what would I do if I had time. What to do with my time is more realistic than the million dollar question.
It's actually one I need to address and start on now, rather than later. Who knows how many days we have? Getting started is the first step to achieving.
wisdom is better than strength
losing weight and getting fit
serving the community
wisdom is unpopular, rarely obeyed, and never remembered
*sigh* You know, that feeling when you realize the kids are coming home in 30 minutes and you have just enough time for a nap to be refreshed and happy for them. . . but you haven't done any of the work you were supposed to do today.
This year for Christmas, we adopted a tradition of giving books. I was delighted to celebrate for the first time in recent memory.
You see, Christmas is a time of great stress, of expectations often unmet, and unrealistic goals thwarted. But with the giving of books, it was easy to buy what someone really wanted, and everyone shared the expectations of receiving books. . . and all my shopping was done and wrapped before December 1st. It was a great step toward a positive Christmas experience.
One of the books I asked for, and received was called the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I am finding I LOVE her writing style. It reads like we're sitting together sharing coffee and thoughts together as intimate friends do. OK, every once in a while it reads like the inner monologue in my brain - so it's refreshing and reassuring that I'm not crazy. Other people share my opinions and way of thinking as well.
Of course, even by the title one can tell this is going to be an action provoking book. I whizzed through my pleasure reading during the holidays, but with New Year's looming the Happiness Project was squelching at me from my dining room table. I wasn't ready to "launch" my project with the New Year.
Perhaps I placed undue pressure on myself (again!) But even as I write this, I'm happy I can release that, and look at the good work that's already in place. The first two - three chapters of my book have sticky notes protruding from them, and some great conversations have already taken place between me and every family member.
The best thing that's happened with this book so far is the awareness, and thought-provoking discussions I've had with myself, honestly quite a few with myself. . . and the members of my family.
SO New Year is now upon me. My project is not ready to "launch" but I know the first thing on the list. It's actually a hold over from last year - but still my top priority.
Reading the bible every morning to connect with God and set the trajectory for my day.
I missed the reading yesterday. Could have done it, but procrastinated. This morning I looked at what I should have read yesterday. Psalm 102 (The Message) pretty much summed up my 2016, and if social media is any indication - I was not alone in having a crushingly difficult year...
Then I looked at what I was going to read for New Year's (assuming I'd already done the previous reading) Psalm 103 reads full of hope, and promise. How appropriate to send out 2016 and bring in 2017 on a good note.
Brushing aside easily the guilt of procrastination, I find my heart turning to God, and being grateful. If that's not on my list - it should be.